The on again, partially on again and completely missing mystery of the Twaddles’ obituary continues.
In an earlier post, I wrote about the twin Twaddle obituaries that appeared for weeks (maybe even months) in the local Las Cruces Sun-News. Separate obituaries for Henry J. Twaddle and Linda M. Twaddle were always published adjacent to each other, with identical wording that seemed to have been generated by an AI copywriter and which breathlessly proclaimed that the Twaddles “will be fondly remembered and sorely missed by all who knew him (or her).”
Mysteriously, the obituary for Henry J. Twaddle, stopped running in the paper for two weeks. Only Linda’s was still running as of Sunday, Sept. 1. However, Henry’s started running again on Tuesday, Sept. 3, but Linda’s was now missing. Then on Wednesday, Sept. 4, both obituaries reappeared. But today, Sept. 5, neither of the Twaddle obituaries are in the Sun-News.
It might be that whoever was paying for the obituaries finally realized that both of the Twaddles died some time ago and that only nerds like me cared about reading the obituaries. Since there was no information about an upcoming funerals or life celebrations, maybe whoever wrote the obituaries concluded it was no longer worth the money to continue publishing both of them.
Of course there could be all sorts of other sinister things going on. What if the obituary was being published to convince a life insurance company that Henry and Linda were dead and the company would have to pay off a policy that’s now letting them live a luxurious life on a remote island in the South Pacific? Maybe they had a big tax lien that they’ve been able to dodge now that the federal government, state or county thinks they’re dead. Or maybe they are in a witness protection program living under the radar as Mr. and Mrs. Twiddle in Moose Breath, Minnesota.
But here’s my theory. I think it’s some kind of secret code, just like the red flag in Bob Woodward’s flower pot that he left to contact Deep Throat while reporting the Watergate scandal. If both Twaddle obituaries are published, everything is on hold. If only Linda’s is published, there is something about to happen. And if Henry’s suddenly reappears, the plan is in action. But what does it mean that both have now disappeared? Is the end of the world upon us?
Every morning for the last couple of weeks, I dashed outside in my sleep togs — hoping none of the neighbors would see me — to find if the newspaper has arrived and whether the Twaddle obituaries were published. I am sure most people’s interest in this story is waning — if there was actually any interest in the first place — but I will stay true to my journalistic instincts and let my dedicated readers know about any new developments.
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On another subject that I had discussed previously in the Albuquerque Journal’s Business Outlook section, I found this new patent application in the official records section:
“Rylans Enterprises LLC, Las Cruces, New Mexico, has been assigned a patent developed by Robert Baca, Las Cruces, New Mexico, for “Chile roaster.”
We need more inventions like that I think, rather an adjacent patent granted for a “transdermal sampling strip and method for analyzing transdermally emitted gasses.” It sounds like something a wife might carry with her to gauge the noxious level of a flatulent “transdermal” emissions from her husband. Actually, that might be worthwhile.
aero-cordero.com 