They may be lightweights, but they’re smarter than me…

With hundreds of pecan trees in and around our neighborhood, we are a squirrel’s Valhalla. Being partially in the country with lots of hiding places and soft dirt to dig, ground squirrels likely outnumber humans in Mesilla Park.

And not unexpectedly, they especially like the wood pile in the southeast corner of our yard, across a rock wall fence from two large heavily producing pecan trees. Squirrel families have come and gone over the years, with a mother and her babies periodically showing up and tormenting our dog Chester. Chester can seem them darting around and on top of the woodpile, then starts scratching and barking at the back sliding door, and then — before I can slide the screen door after opening the sliding glass door — he bolts out in a flash of fury. It has left the lower corner the screen door in a stage of permanent disrepair, which by now I have just learned to ignore.

A new squirrel family showed up late this summer. I have counted at least five scampering around the woodpile. So I decided it was time to try to relocate them by humanely capturing them in a squirrel trap I purchased a few years ago.

Unfortunately, the mother squirrel got caught in the trap because I had left it armed and didn’t check it regularly. I sadly found her dead inside the trap. I felt very bad about that and did a quick funeral prayer for one of God’s creatures, then relocated her body to our dumpster. (I fear I may rot in Hell for that.)

But now, the babies are left without their mother. However they apparently are old enough to fend for themselves and have decided our woodpile is a great place to live.

So I began a squirrel capturing regimen again yesterday. As usual, I place a pecan half on a mound of peanut butter on top of a cracker and place it in the back part of the trap. When the squirrel goes to grab the pecan, peanut butter, cracker gourmet snack, their weight is supposed to trigger a mechanism that closes the flap at the end of the cage.

So four times yesterday, I placed the tempting pecan, peanut butter, cracker combo inside the cage. And four times, the smart squirrels daintily removed the snack without triggering the mechanism.

I have concluded that the squirrels — still babies or juveniles — are just not heavy enough to trigger the mechanism. I have now devised a second plan. I am semi-gluing the cracker to the triggering plate with a smear of peanut butter in hopes that it their tugging to get the snack will be enough to set the trap in motion.

I know this matter is of utmost importance to you, my dwindling but faithful readers, so I will keep you updated with my latest attempt. And remember the teaching point about this story — squirrels are likely smarter than me. (how depressing. “:^( )

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NEWS FLASH: I just went out to see if my plan worked. Unfortunately, it did not. The pecan, peanut butter, cracker snack was removed with a skillfulness that only the steady hand of a master heart surgeon could employ. I’m not sure what my next tactic will be. (Perhaps a stick of dynamite at the bottom of the woodpile will launch the squirrel family into my next door neighbor’s yard.)

Stay tuned…