Well of course, the City of Irvine would have one of these…

My son sent me this photo last week of the latest edition to the Irvine, California, police department.

Yes, it’s a Tesla Cybertruck, decked out as an intimidating official police vehicle in Irvine, CA, where my son and his family live.

Having visited my son and his family several times in Irvin, I suppose this purchase by the Irvine Police Department doesn’t surprise me. Irvine is a town where everything is, as Mary Poppins said — “practically perfect in every way. ” It is the epitome of a master planned community with beautiful landscaping, strategically located shopping, a perfectly functioning surface street system and a Tesla in every driveway. Well almost — my son (thankfully) doesn’t own one.

Everything is so perfect there that the police department would probably be more concerned about the noise generated by the firing of a Smith & Wesson .357 Magnum than discovering a victim on a city street who got blasted by it. And of course, the local maintenance crews would be on site within minutes to mop up the blood from the victim before someone complained about the dirty street where the murder occurred. But how silly of me — the place is so perfect there are probably no murders there.

The following is a true story: Several years ago, my wife and I observed a city crew wiping down and polishing the surface of a stop sign on an Irvine street.

So how will the Irvine coppers use their fancy Tesla Cybertruck? Well, it goes from 0-60 in 2.6 seconds, so it should be able to keep up with most speeders, unless they are driving an even fancier Tesla sedan. It can tow 11,000 pounds, so it could be used to tow away a yacht that someone had parked slightly crooked in their driveway. It’s high-strength stainless steel body might be used to deflect any unwanted vehicles driven by individuals who don’t meet the city’s minimum income requirement.

And did I mention that the sticker on this probably tops $125,000 after all the cool lights and other security gizmos are added to it.

I was very jealous when I saw the photo my son sent, so I thought I’d check up on what our local law enforcement officers drive in the Town of Mesilla, where I live.

These fine vehicles, all with peeling paint, low or flat tires, rotting interiors and odometers that have probably spun past the 100,000 mile mark several times, are currently mothballed behind the Mesilla Town Hall, where I am currently working as an early voting election official. The town does have at least one operating police vehicle, a somewhat new Dodge Durango, painted the same intimidating dark gray shade as the Irvine Cybertruck. At least they’re on the right track, I guess.

But it could be worse. I Googled “unusual police vehicles” and came up with this:

It’s a 1950s era Nash Metropolitan. Maybe the police department that owns it thinks that if a perp is being chased by this, he or she will start laughing so hysterically that they’ll crash into a light pole and make the arrest by the cops fairly easy — if this vehicle can get to the scene in the next 30 minutes.