An idea that’s a day late and a dollar short…

Hustlers and scammers seem to find a way to make a buck out of anything bad. As you’ve probably read, there have been lots of schemes to part people from their money during the COVID-19 pandemic — from signing people up for phony vaccination times to shady investment schemes for their COVID relief funds.

Well, as the pandemic continues, I have come up with what I believe to be a brilliant plan to help people endure some of the unanticipated suffering from having to wear masks —  while at the same time making an honest buck for myself and my family.


Yep. Padded inserts behind your ears to prevent the constant chafing of mask straps. (It’s even worse if you wear glasses or hearing aids.)

I am sure, based on my hours of personal observation and assumed command of scientific research, that jillions of people around the globe have developed callouses behind their ears from wearing masks during the year-long pandemic.

What a tragedy! Ears that ache during the night. Ears that itch all day long. The shame of someone spotting your behind-the ear callouses.

Well, PAND-EARIES can solve that problem. Just grab a roll of duct tape or a wad of previously chewed bubble gum, stick them behind your calloused ears and stuff these wonderful devices there. Pain, itch and shame gone instantly.

Instruction manual for PAND-EARIES

I just need to find some outfit to manufacture them…

Oh wait, what’s that??? You say the pandemic is almost over and nobody wants anything to make it more painful than it already is? You say that it was a really dumb idea??? You say that I have way too much time on my hands these days???

Okay, maybe I can sell my artwork. Stay tuned. 

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