Northern New Mexico experienced demonstrations last year focusing on statues memorializing early Spanish explorers who had brutalized Native American people in the Southwest. Several statues and memorials were removed or torn down by angry protestors.

In Santa Fe, city administrators feared that a statue in Cathedral Park memorializing Diego de Vargas would be vandalized, so they ordered it removed and taken to a safe and secure place. De Vargas was the Spaniard who led the reconquest of New Mexico following the Pueblo Revolt of 1680.

When a former city council member inquired recently about the whereabouts of the statue, he learned that instead of being in a “safe and secure location,” it had merely been dropped off in the back lot of the company that the city had hired to remove it.

“The city never told them (the moving company) where to take it,” lamented Ron Trujillo, a former city council member and head of a historical committee which for years had re-enacted De Vargas’ re-entry to the city. (That celebration has also been put on hold.)

City mayor Alan Webber said he had been told that the statue was removed to a secure location on city property, but now admits he was mislead.

The current location of the statue is not known, although it was apparently easy enough for a “courtesy” photographer to find and share a photo of it with the Albuquerque Journal. The city has promised it will soon be whisked away to a true “safe and secure” location, hopefully covered up to avoid prying eyes more pigeon droppings.

(With apologies to Daivid Letterman. And bear with me, this post might be a bit long and philosophical… )

Many years ago, my father, who prided himself for his knowledge of New Mexico history, told me that when the territory was being considered for statehood, there was consideration given to calling it “Lincoln” instead of New Mexico. After all, the notorious town of Lincoln, located in Lincoln County, seems to have had some considerable significance in the history of the territory. And another of America’s great presidents, George Washington, had a state named after him — so why not Albuquerque, Lincoln, or Las Cruces, Lincoln, or Lincoln, Lincoln.

I’ve done some research and I can’t seem to find any evidence of consideration of the name Lincoln. I do think at one time I remember reading that the name “Montezuma” was considered for the state’s name. I could not find any information on that either. A good friend and a well-respected New Mexico historian who has published several books about the history of our state, also said he was not aware of the name “Lincoln” being considered. He said that perhaps had heard about the consideration of Montezuma as the state’s moniker.

I looked in a book we’ve relied on for years to accompany us along our New Mexico journeys for some additional clues. It’s called New Mexico Place Names, a 1965 publication compiled by T.M. Pearce using materials collected by the 1936 and 1940 New Mexico Writer’s Project. (I note that it was revised in 1969 and re-released by the University of New Mexico Press — its original publisher — and renamed The Place Names of New Mexico by Robert Julyan.) The original version makes no mention of whether the name “Lincoln” was ever considered and notes that the name “New Mexico” — at the time “Nuevo Mexico” — was first used by Spanish explorer Don Francisco de Ibarra in 1562.

The historic town of Lincoln and Lincoln County were indeed named after President Lincoln. The New Mexico Place Names even notes that a rock structure near the present day town of Lincoln resembles the profile of President Lincoln. (Having grown up in Lincoln County and explored most of it, I can’t recall seeing that rock structure, but I’ll be sure to look for it the next time I’m in the vicinity.)

I’m not sure where my father picked up the notion that “Lincoln” was considered for a state name, but it has always left me wondering about whether the state’s name has had an influence on its development over the years.

So here’s my point and a question to you. How different would New Mexico’s fortunes have been if it had been named something else?

I need to be careful here because I do not intend to be disparaging in any way to the Republic of Mexico and its wonderful residents and culture. However, I think it is safe to say that most Americans tend to have a more pejorative view of Mexico than, say, Canada. In fact, much of the upper Midwest was called “New Canada” following the 1803 Louisiana Purchase. Maybe North Dakota or Minnesota could have ended up being called the state of “New Canada.”

If you look at the map below, part of what is now New Mexico was part of the Louisiana Purchase — so who knows, we might have ended up as “New Canada.”

So here is New Mexico, perhaps seen in the prejudicial mind’s eye of many who think of us as just an extension of a country with less ambition, progress and future like the bordering nation to our south.

Consider Arizona, with many of the attributes of New Mexico had when it became a territory. It had similar geography, a sparse population, an arid climate, rugged terrain, not much water, a large native population, lack of cultural amenities and lots of bad guys roaming around. Yet Arizona, compared to New Mexico, has been more of a success story in terms of its progress.

I know that New Mexico offers much more than Arizona in terms of natural resources, scenic beauty, artistic offerings and climate. And the influence of the Mexican/Hispanic and Native American cultures have blessed this state with a uniqueness that Arizona does not seem to embrace to the extent we do.

And of course, we’re always being confused with our neighbor to the south. Readers of the New Mexico Magazine always turn to the “One of our 50 is Missing” section for humorous instances of ignorant confusion about our existence. (I’ve been subjected to these kinds of insults myself over the years. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I once found a kitchen magnet with the outline of the state of New Mexico decorated with a saguaro cactus and the words “Arizona” overlaid on it.)

But New Mexico always seems to end up at or near the bottom of the “worst” lists. Why? I’m sure many will blame political influences, cultural reasons, actions of the early explorers in colonizing the region, secular and non-secular influences, bad karma, etc. But is it that, or is part of it just the name we’ve been given? I ask that you focus JUST on our name and not look for blame elsewhere.

I’m always sad that we can’t do better for our children and education, that we can’t make an improvement in our poverty rate and lament that our economy is not as good as surrounding states. Yet somehow, I guess I’m glad New Mexico is always a little off the radar screen so we can enjoy the things that others don’t see in us. I’m always proud to say I’m from New Mexico, despite its warts, but I don’t want it to be discovered any more than it already has been. Maybe a lot of other people feel that way too, and in a way, we’re all partially responsible for our situation.

I’d sincerely appreciate your thoughts on this question about how our state’s name may or may not have influenced others about the stature of our state. Again — just focus on our state’s name. And again, I hope I haven’t offended anyone.

And by the way, I’ve always wondered if my life might have been different if I had been  Patrick Wolf instead of Patrick Lamb. 

A good friend who faithfully reads my blog and is probably the most thorough fact checker I’ve ever known discovered some additional details about a blog I posted earlier this week. That story regarded a woman who sued a Taos McDonald’s for assault by a toilet paper dispenser.

The woman claimed she was injured when she tugged on a toilet paper roll in the dispensing mechanism in her stall at the McDonald’s in Taos and it detached from the wall and struck her head.

Not so fast, responded the courts to her claim. My fact checker discovered a judgment in her claim in 2017, noting it was “dismiss(ed)/decided by dispositive motion/dismiss(ed) by judge/party” — which I think means it was tossed out of court for being a bit too frivolous.

So why wasn’t the hot coffee suit against McDonald’s in Albuquerque that I mentioned in my blog dismissed way back in 1994 as being too frivolous? The court ruling in that product liability case was for $2.86 million in damages to the woman who claimed she had been burned by hot coffee spilled after she was served at a drive-up window. The amount was eventually reduced to $860,000 and a final settlement, not disclosed, was made after that. The case became a “poster boy” for tort reform after the settlement.

Several years after the case had been resolved, I had an opportunity to discuss the outcome with an attorney friend who had been involved in the litigation. He told me that the judge made his decision because McDonald’s was so cavalier about responding to the suit which it considered to be frivolous. (As an aside, the judge in the case was someone who I knew in college. I have a great story about him I may share at a later date.)

So now, when you now get coffee at McDonald’s, I think you still see some words of caution about dangers of hot liquids on the cup. So far, I have seen no such disclosures on toilet paper dispensers.

Probably everyone in southern New Mexico has visited the City of Rocks, between Deming and Silver City, at one time or another. Like many things to see in our high desert neighborhood, you saw it once and then you kind of forgot about it.

On another one of our recent weekly journeys to rediscover our southern New Mexico back yard, we traveled to City of Rocks State Park. We probably had not been there for 20 or more years.

Since we last visited, there have been many improvements to facilities — better trails, picnic areas, upgraded camp sites and a visitor center which we could not visit because of the COVID-19 restrictions in place at state parks.

One thing that was particularly nice during our visit was that the park was restricted to New Mexico residents only. When we arrived at the gate, the helpful and efficient park ranger asked us to prove our citizenship, so I whipped out my new “Safe ID” New Mexico driver’s license — its first use since I got it in late December. We visited the park on a Saturday and there were few other (all New Mexican) visitors. That factor, along with spectacular mid-winter weather, left us with a great memory.

I’ve attached some photos from our trip. I hope you’ll take the time to visit or revisit the park soon. From Las Cruces, it’s just a little over an hour and one-half drive — well worth it.

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You might remember that in 1994, an Albuquerque woman received a $2.86 million settlement when she was burned by hot coffee at a McDonald’s drive-up window.

Not to be outdone, a Taos woman pursued legal action against the double golden arches in the northern New Mexico community during 2016.

In this case, the woman claimed that when she attempted to roll toilet paper off the dispenser in the women’s restroom, the entire unit detached from the wall of the stall and struck her in the head. I could not find information about whether the case was settled.

I’m hoping the chain did not counter sue for destruction of property, perhaps arguing she was pulling too hard on the roll of toilet paper. If that was the case, it certainly would have said a lot about the tensile strength of the toilet paper and how comfortable it might have been to use.

An Albuquerque TV station seeking tips on local news stories got a call from a man in 2015 who said his next door neighbor’s bee boxes were a source or annoyance for the surrounding area. The neighbors complained of the constant buzzing and cringed about the danger of being stung by one of the critters.

Apparently desperate for something on a slow news day, the TV station rushed a crew to the scene, whereupon the cameraman was promptly stung by one of the bees.

Point taken, literally. The neighbor with the bees acquiesced and agreed to relocate his bee boxes to a location out in the country.

I never cease to be amazed by the new things I am constantly learning about New Mexico history. For example, did you know that Thomas B. Catron, the attorney known for his role in the “Santa Fe Ring” and the Teapot Dome Scandal in the early 1900s was once the largest private land owner in New Mexico?

Okay, well I guess only a New Mexico history nerd like me gets excited about that stuff.

Anyway, a good friend of mine has recently published a book with 13 engaging stories about some New Mexico historical events, most of which are not well known.

The book by fellow Las Cruces resident John P. (Jack) Wilson, entitled New Mexico Episodes, Stories from a colorful past, is an easy and entertaining read which I recommend to everyone. It has perhaps the best summary of the Lincoln County War I’ve seen, a great story about a faithful dog and tales about early stagecoach trips and mail delivery in the territory. And there’s the story about a legal effort to pinpoint the location of a historic home in a land dispute. In the legal proceedings, a 91-year-old witness, interrogated by none other than Thomas B. Catron, was asked for the location of the kitchen in the dilapidated structure. His response was that he did not know where it was because “I was not the cook.”

The book is available online through Barnes and Noble, Amazon.com., Ebay.com., Thriftbooks and other online booksellers.  Local bookstores may stock it as well.

My friend Jack, a Harvard graduate nonetheless, has written several other books of a historical nature and has an outstanding career as an archaeologist, historian and author. I hope you’ll give his new book a look.

We spotted this spectacular purple RV in the parking lot of Wal-Mart last week. It appeared as if someone had been sleeping in it overnight.

It’s somewhat similar to the “Bounder” RV that Walter White used as a mobile meth lab in the TV series “Breaking Bad,” but it probably would have been a poor choice for him. A little too obtuse, don’t you think? Or maybe this was repurposed after Cousin Eddie from National Lampoon’s “Christmas Vacation” sold off his rusty RV to move to Nevada.

Roswell, home of the 1947 UFO incident. Home of the bleeding picture of Jesus. Home of the guy who escaped from law enforcement last year and tried to disguise himself by wearing a skirt, carrying a pink purse and forgetting to shave his red beard.

Last week, we had a report of another memorable Roswell incident. In this case, a reporter for an Albuquerque TV station was arrested for impersonating a police officer on at least four occasions last year between March and June. He was also suspended from his job.

Arrest warrants said the suspect arrived at crime scenes in his look-alike unmarked police unit which sported flashing lights, a blaring siren and a dash camera which recorded his nefarious activities. At one incident, he was wearing a badge, carrying a pistol and wearing tactical gear, which he said was required at his job as a security officer. In another incident, another law enforcement official mistook him for a real policeman and asked him to direct traffic. In a third incident, he chased down a suspected drunk driver, pinned his car in his driveway and called for real police assistance to arrest the man. At that point, the cops were onto his ruse.

After his arrest, police recovered the dashboard camera which provided some very incriminating evidence. One video clip, which he entitled “En route to a shooting,” showed him racing to the crime scene with siren blaring and red lights flashing while running four stop signs and a traffic light.

If aliens ever show up near Roswell again, it’s too bad this guy won’t be there to record the incident. He’d probably have no trouble getting through police and security barriers for some great video.

In 2012, a woman was displeased with only placing fifth in the highly competitive Miss Texas contest and moved to New Mexico to enter the Miss New Mexico contest.

Apparently, fifth best from Texas was good enough for first place in the Land of Enchantment and she was selected as Miss New Mexico.

Perhaps thinking that the New Mexico title wasn’t prestigious enough for her, she then moved to New Orleans and entered as a contestant in the Miss Louisiana contest. However, when scouring her somewhat checkered contestant past, contest authorities discovered that she was too old to compete for the Louisiana title.

Undeterred, she then entered the Miss Louisiana USA contest, which she won.

As an aside, stories about her beauty contest odyssey also noted that her boyfriend owned a chain of Cajun restaurants called “Slap Ya Momma.”

I’m glad Miss Fifth Best from Texas ultimately decided New Mexico wasn’t good enough for her. We deserve better. And we certainly don’t want a restaurant with a name that would have to be translated to “Abofetear a tu Madre.”

Several years ago, my wife and I made a quick day trip to fly fish on the Rio Penasco, a spring-fed stream between Cloudcroft and Artesia which always produces surprising results in place where you might not expect it. Fishing on the private section of water requires membership in the Mesilla Valley Fly Fishers, which is a great organization for promoting fly fishing and conserving the few but spectacular cold water fisheries in southern New Mexico. Check it out below.

mvff.org

On our trip from Las Cruces, we passed through the village of Mayhill, where we often stop at the only convenience store and gas station east of Cloudcroft.

We stopped for snacks and some water but took time to look at the store’s latest tacky souvenir offerings. Two things caught our eye. First was a keychain made from a real rattlesnake head, preserved for eternity when dipped into heavy clear plastic. And the second (for the easily offended, I did not make this up) were a pair of earrings with a merchandise tag noting that their unusual shape was because they were made from the penis of raccoons.

I report this not for purposes of shocking anyone with uncomfortable discussions of things prurient, but to remind us that New Mexico is always offering up the unexpected.

I will always remember the time I purchased a kitchen magnet at a roadside stop near Socorro with the shape of New Mexico and the words “Arizona” emblazoned on it. And to add insult to injury, there was an image of a suguaro cactus on the item.

A man from Chaparral, in southern Dona Ana County, checked himself in to a hospital in El Paso this week, claiming to have overdosed on methamphetamine. He received treatment, but when he saw security approaching him, he bolted and ran for the parking lot.

There he spotted a 10-wheel fuel tanker truck idling with the driver waiting inside. He yanked the driver out of the cab of the tanker and them proceeded to speed off — well maybe lumber off is the more appropriate description.

The man led El Paso police on a chase along Interstate 10, crossing into New Mexico, but not heading towards his home on the opposite side of the Franklin Mountains. New Mexico State Police placed “stopsticks” in the roadway to rip oven the truck’s tires and bring the vehicle to a halt near Las Cruces. Police then arrested the man they described as being “out of it” but nonetheless compliant.

In addition to the $40,000 cost of the truck and its 10 now-flat tires, Police said the vehicle’s tank contained about 500 gallons of fuel worth $5,000 and the truck was carrying about $4,000 in special refueling equipment. Police had to close the Interstate briefly as a result of the incident.

Because he transported a vehicle across state lines, the suspect is now facing federal charges.

This incident raises several questions in my mind. First, why was a fuel tanker in the parking lot of a hospital? And second, how did the suspect get to the hospital in the first place? And if he drove himself there, why not use his own vehicle or something else faster and less visible than a large lumbering fuel tanker for the escape. And finally and perhaps most important, what was he going to do with all that fuel if he had succeeded in his escape? If convicted for his caper, he’ll have 10 years to think about that in federal prison.

Some of you may remember the 2014 World Cup soccer match when professional footballer Luis Suarez, representing his home nation of Uruguay, bit the shoulder of an Italian player. It turns out that Suarez, actually a very talented player, had bitten opponents at least two other times in his professional career.

The 2014 bite seen round the world prompted one great joke which was “What’s for lunch? — Italian!”

Okay, that was tacky. But a year later, a woman in Albuquerque must have had some inspiration from Suarez when, during a fight with her boyfriend, nipped off a chunk of his ear.

When police arrived to the scene of the fracas, the woman presented officers with the chunk of her boyfriend’s ear. Perhaps it was in hopes that the court might view her retrieval of the severed part as a conciliatory gesture to receive a milder sentence. Or maybe she didn’t have enough Tabasco sauce to make it a meal. Okay, that was tacky too. I’ll try to write something more uplifting next time.

The Los Alamos National Laboratory is a high tech, super secure research facility located in the foothills of the Jemez Mountains. It was so secret that during World War II, when it was working on the Manhattan Project to perfect the atomic bomb, mail and equipment deliveries to the lab were addressed to a single post office box in nearby Santa Fe. The first time I visited the secret city with my parents in the late 1950s, I remember having to go through a heavily guarded check point where we were all carefully scrutinized.

The main residential and commercial parts of the city are now open to all, but the research facilities and laboratories are all guarded by high-tech security measures and are strictly off-limits for regular visitors.

So it was surprising that in 2005 Lab security forces discovered an Amarillo man had been living in a cave in one of the deep rugged canyons which thread through the high security part of the laboratory property. When questioned, the man admitted he had been living there for the last four years. In his time there, he had managed to upgrade his cave with a glass door, heater, solar generator, satellite radio, mattress and other accoutrements, including equipment to set up and operate his own website.

Keeping in the spirit of his surrounding scientific environment, security forces said his website explained his “Single Big Bang/Single Expanding Universe/Finite Cosmos” physics theory.

And no, they didn’t offer him a job after his arrest for trespassing.